June 2011
31 posts
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Dear Fucking Diary
June, 1998
Sometimes I wish I could start with dear diary, just so I know that I’m writing to myself, but this is a tough diary. I mean it’s a journal, or maybe a notebook if I’m feeling all Bukowski and shit. I’m not pouring out my heart for later, I’m writing down my dreams so when I realize them I’ll have something to look back on.
Instead I’ll start with this: she’s gonna kick me in the...
May 2011
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You Do Look Familiar
I don’t have sex with people I don’t know, but she felt so damn familiar there was nothing to be done about it.
“You look familiar,” she said to me after walking half way across the crowded room.
“You look beautiful,” I replied. It wasn’t my best line, but at least it was honest.
Within minutes we had inside jokes and cultural references neither one of us should have picked up on. We knew the...
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This Isn't Working
“This isn’t working.”
It was the truth, but it still wasn’t fun to hear. Our kisses were fine, and our body language fit, but once skin touched skin it was something else.
“I think we’re both trying too hard.”
“Trying too hard to what?”
“I don’t know. Trying too hard to be in control? Trying too hard to make the other one happy?”
It was the truth. We were both pushing, trying, and working...
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Getting Raptured
“We didn’t get raptured.”
“Are you fucking surprised?”
All of us were smiling and looking up at the dark clouds and the spots of rain. It looked ominous, but despite our hopes and expectations there were no zombies crawling up through the patio and no empty clothes left scattered about. We weren’t going anywhere.
“I sort of expected out clothes might vanish rather than the other way around.”
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Cheesy Lines
“I want to fuck you so hard you see stars,” I growled.
Before I could get her knees apart she started convulsing on the bed. She pulled her knees up and covered her mouth and it took me nearly a minute to realize she was laughing.
“That’s the worst line I’ve ever heard in my life!” she screamed at me. “You could win contests with how bad that dirty talk was. That was worse than when you...
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Jealousy and Tenderness
They crawled into bed with me and I instantly wondered if he was sleeping in the other room.
I felt selfish and indulgent for nearly thirty seconds before they kissed in front of me and I realized it wasn’t about me at all. I was in bed with them, he was asleep on the couch, and it was completely possible that I would fuck them, but that didn’t mean it was for me.
They whispered in each...
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We Don't Have Secrets
The Dirty Gentleman and I passed a glass of scotch back and forth over her lap three times before she said anything.
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
It was a statement of fact more than a question, but our shoulders shrugged at the same time. The list wasn’t especially long, but it was still hard to narrow it down to the one thing she wanted to know.
“We don’t have secrets. Just...
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Boots and Old Jeans
“It’s too crowded to fuck on this train,” she whispered in my ear.
“Even for this?” I asked, pushing my knee between her thighs. Her soft dress fell around me and she moaned ever so slightly into my ear.
“Even for that,” she replied, pushing me gently away.
“And if it was empty?” I asked.
“It if was empty I’d be on my knees right now. Actually I’d be on the seat and you’d be standing in...
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The Weird Girl
I bumped into the weird girl from high school.
She was the girl with the Converse sneakers that only survived with duct tape reinforcements. Her hair was purple then orange then shaved, and she danced in the rain. She sang loudly at the most embarrassing moments with a voice that only a mother could love, and her drawings covered every piece of paper (and often skin) within reach.
She smile and...
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I Fucking Love Spring
“Spring makes me want to fuck.”
We did this every year and I was almost used to it. I hadn’t exactly been waiting for it, but I also wasn’t surprised. It got warm and flowers, and inevitably we’d have a few drinks, talk until everyone else had left, and then remember what the other tastes like.
Her lips tasted like Burt’s Bees and Jameson. Her neck tasted like salt...
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Watch©2011 The Dirty Gentleman
Someone is thinking very dirty things.
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Kissing Katie
There was a girl hanging from the ceiling, another getting spanked on the couch next to me, and all I wanted to do was kiss Katie.
Katie was there with someone who’s boundaries I didn’t know, and she wasn’t playing. She was sipping a whisky neat and wearing jeans like she owned the place. She watched with a detached caution that I wanted to break through.
“That hurts,”...
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Orgasm Jeans
I knew a girl in college who could get herself off during class.
She called them her orgasm jeans, and they fit her just right. I tried to sit next to her on the days the jeans appeared, and she’d smile at me and wink. I hardly paid attention to anything else, and my notes from those days were as useful as I was.
One morning in anthropology 101 we were discussing sexual customs that felt far...
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