Slutwalk was easy.

Chanting was easy, meeting up with old friends was easy, and showing my support and solidarity was easy. When I stepped out of Union Square and grabbed a drink at Lillie’s after the march, the hard part started.

Ending rape culture means changing guy culture. It means telling the guy next to me at the bar that his joke wasn’t funny. It means telling a client his behavior is not welcome, and it means telling a good friend at two in the morning that maybe they’re both a bit too drunk to be making good decisions.

I marched in Slutwalk because I believe firmly that men and boys need to hold one another accountable. It’s not enough to be supportive, kind, or even radically consensual. Carrying a sign and showing my face was not enough.

Utah Phillips, the famed radical, tells me that being a pacifist is like being an alcoholic. It’s something I have to struggle with every day of my life; as a white man born into 20th century America I was born armed to the teeth with the weapons of privilege. It’s not enough for me to be peaceful. I have to put down my privilege and refuse to pick it up just because it’s convenient.

Ending sexual violence is exactly the same thing. It means every day I have to resist taking the easy way out. It means it’s up to me to hold friends, neighbors, and colleagues accountable when they inevitably let guy culture pull them along without thinking.

So, now that I’ve marched I have to put the cup down and disarm myself not just when it’s easy, but also when it feels impossible. When I’d rather turn my head or laugh uncomfortably I have to speak up and say no.

Ending rape culture means changing guy culture. As men, boys, and guys, that requires us to struggle every day to change the world around us through our actions.

Slutwalk was easy; it was energizing, and it was moving. Now back to work.

Guy New York