This morning in New York 2.3 million people masturbated, 250,432 had sex, and 17 college students took it up the ass for the first time.

By 11am 76 men had received blow-jobs in the shower from 82 women who were not their wives, and 6,744 New Yorkers had made their way home from a one-night-stand with a stranger they met the night before.  1,237 of them will go out again and 352 will have a third date.  Two of them will eventually fall in love and get married.

By 4pm 252 people had threesomes and of those 84 events, 76 of them were incredibly awkward. 632 people looked into someone’s window with telescopes and 122 of them either saw a couple having sex or someone showering.

By the end of the day 212 women had sex with colleagues of their husbands.  8 of them had their husband’s consent. 6 people had sex in Central Park before the rain started and 68 girls were fingered while watching Avatar. 

It was a good day in New York.

—Guy New York