There’s a fairly basic formula for wanting someone so badly it drives you crazy.
If you start with a high dose of attraction you’re half way there. Once you mix in at least one solid reason why you shouldn’t, you’ve almost got it. It’s easiest when it’s an external obstacle: I’m dating her sister, were live too far apart, she’s too married, or possibly she just broke my best friend’s heart. Maybe he’s a student in your class or a co-worker who is just too close. Any of them will do when it comes to someone else telling you it’s not allowed.
Once you’ve got those two, you just need to push against the reason long enough for it to come to a boil. It often starts in the head: I shouldn’t, I can’t, it’s a terrible idea. And that’s bad enough, but when you both know it (and say it out loud) it comes close to impossible.
“We shouldn’t do this, what would your mother think?”
“I can’t, our boss will kill us.”
“I wish I could fuck you without going to jail.”
“Our families will feud for the next hundred years.”
And then come the details. The pot is already bubbling, but once it moves from a vague impossibility to a specific certainty you’re totally fucked.
“What can’t we do?” is the question that starts it all. “If I kissed your neck, would that count? What if I touch you here or what if we just watch? I won’t enter the room, just let me hear you come.”
And when it’s far too late you realize all the places you could have stopped it. You see how months ago if you had kissed in the elevator it never would have gotten this far. If you disrupted the pot before he even knew he was in it, it never would have happened at all.
But then you’re stuck kissing and moaning as you tear clothes off each other’s bodies. No one has ever been this hard or this wet, and no one has ever been so blinded by desire. You’re laughing as you’re biting and scratching, and by the time someone is inside someone else, it’s the most glorious relief in the history of the universe. Your bodies are strong and passion flows through you like a river of fire until you’re both exhausted and yet ready for more.
And somewhere in the middle of it all, you stop to wonder why it can’t always be this way.
—Guy New York