She inspired me to do terrible things.

When I say inspired, I mostly mean beg, but you get the point.  Early on, she found my borders and boundaries and decided to push up against them as hard as she could.  She attacked them from all angles, making sure I didn’t have any way out, and I held on as tightly as I could.

At first it was just a slap across the face and a few shouted insults.  She could see the fear in my eyes the first time I raised my open palm, and she saw me shudder the first time her cheek reddened from my touch.  She listened to me struggle as I called her a whore and she goaded me on when I hesitated.  When I slapped her too lightly she’d insult me until I did it well, and the harder I hit her, the harder we’d fuck.

The first time she decided to struggle I felt the fear rise up in me alongside the desire.  She pushed and kicked, and I held her firmly as I forced her down onto my bed.  The slaps came easier and the words flew from my mouth as I tried to keep her still, but I was struggling almost as much as she was.  Her nails dug into my skin and real anger started to arise as I pulled my belt off in one swift motion.

Her eyes still teased me and I’m sure I looked more scared than she did.  The first time the belt bit her skin we both screamed.  The second time she screamed louder, and the third time she was a quivering mess on the bed.  I didn’t think as I forced her legs apart and pulled her to me in one quick motion.  I was inside her before she could say a word, and I slapped her hard enough to bring tears. 

When she kissed me I bit her lip and her arms wrapped around me as we pulled and twisted each other’s bodies.  She tried to push me off her, but I held her firmly as I fucked her and she begged me to stop.  Her tears and her words nearly slowed me, but each timed I remembered her scornful look and I couldn’t stop. 

I never saw her come as hard as she did that night, and I was never so scared.  I left marks across her body, and she did the same to mine. She never let up and she never offered a hint of encouragement and it just made me stronger.  She scared me and she woke me up in ways I don’t always want to remember.  She lied to me and she teased me and I never felt so loved and so alone. 

When it was finally over she told me she loved me for the first time.  We had lunch as friends, and I hadn’t even asked.  She held my hand as we sat together and neither of us cried.

—Guy New York